Action used to be my middle name.

If there was a problem in my business, I wanted to do something about it right away. 

Fix the system. Call the client. Talk to the employee. Change the process. Hire the consultant. 

And action does matter. 

But some actions helped, and others made things worse. It took me years to understand why.

My Fear Came With Me

I remember losing a big client right before an important conference. I was speaking at the event, working our booth, and seeing people in the industry who knew us well. 

On the outside, I looked the same. But inside, I was spiraling.

I kept thinking I should’ve seen it coming. I wasn’t a good leader. We weren’t going to hit our revenue target. Other clients might leave. 

I dreaded seeing the competitor who won the client because I imagined they’d feel sorry for me. Maybe they were already spreading the news.  

All those thoughts affected my energy. I felt small, insecure, and inadequate, and I carried that feeling with me into every conversation and even onto the stage. 

I didn’t have the same vitality in my body. I didn’t walk the same way or hold eye contact as long. I didn’t speak with the same certainty and enthusiasm.  

I still said the right things, but I wasn’t fully present because I kept worrying about what might happen next. 

People may not know what you’re thinking, but they can feel the state you’re in. They may not be able to explain why they feel less connected to you, but they feel your energy.

The Energy Behind the Action

The way you feel matters. A lot. Not because feeling good is the goal in some shallow way, and not because you’re supposed to pretend everything is fine when it isn’t. 

It matters because your energy state comes with you into the sales meeting, the team conversation, the stage, the negotiation, or the proposal.

If you feel inadequate, you’ll overcommit, underprice, or both.

If you feel anxious, you’ll try too hard and over-explain. 

If you feel frustrated, you’ll be sharper than you intend.

If you feel afraid, you’ll choose safety and call it strategy.

It’s not just what you do that matters. It’s the energy you bring to what you do.

It’s easy to feel confident when the numbers are up, clients are happy, and the team is performing. 

But what about when the client leaves or the senior hire doesn’t work out? When projects are late and over budget? When the numbers are worse than expected or when the rules of your market are changing?

That’s when you need self-confidence.

Self-confidence comes from believing you can weather any storm, feel any emotion, handle any situation, and find your way through it. 

It means you don’t abandon yourself when things get hard. You treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend. 

Self-confidence also comes from knowing that emotions like embarrassment, disappointment, uncertainty, or fear are just temporary vibrations in the body and they will pass. 

When something went wrong in my business, I used to beat myself up, which made me feel worse. 

And from that state, whatever I did next was not my best.

Feel Good First

I gradually realized it was worth the time to prime the pump. To feel good first, before I did anything. 

Before I wrote the proposal, I thought about the value we provided, until I felt more confident.

Before I talked to the team, I thought about the results we were creating together, and I felt more focused.

Before I met with a client, I thought about what would serve both of us, and I felt more connected and open.

Before I made a hard decision, I separated the facts from the story, until I felt more objective.

Sometimes “feeling good” simply meant I felt calm. Or present. Or curious. Or open. 

Those small internal resets changed my energy so that my actions were more effective. The business grew and even during a downturn, we succeeded.

Now when I feel urgency, fear, or inadequacy, I treat those feelings as information. They’re telling me what I’m thinking.

They’re showing me that I’m focusing on what I don’t want.

I don’t want to fall behind. I don’t want to look foolish. I don’t want the team to make mistakes. 

Once I see that, I can turn my attention toward what I do want.

Think thoughts that will help you feel in advance the way you expect to feel once you have the outcome you want. 

That way, the energy you bring to what you do will be naturally aligned with the results you expect. 

Then you’ll start asking better questions. You’ll listen longer. You’ll calmly evaluate options and make decisions. You won’t try so hard to prove yourself.

Signals, Not Threats

Recently my clients have been describing changes in their markets. AI is affecting demand for certain work. Leadership changes are affecting long-standing relationships. Hiring freezes are slowing down decisions.

These are signals worth noticing. 

But before I do anything with signals like that, I pause long enough to make sure I’m not interpreting them through a lens of anxiety. To do that, ask yourself:

Where’s the opportunity in this? What does this make possible? How can I use this information to make my business stronger?

Those questions create a completely different state.

That’s what I mean by feel good first.

Not “feel good” as in pretending nothing is happening. Feel good as in grounded enough to see clearly.

Safe enough inside yourself to ask better questions. Open enough to notice the opportunity that fear would miss.

When we’re afraid, we fight, flee or freeze. 

But when we’re centered and calm, we can get curious. That’s when it’s possible to create the future instead of reacting to the present. 

The next time you’re about to do something important, pause before you begin and ask yourself:

How do I feel right now?

If it’s not good, ask: What am I thinking that’s creating that feeling? Will this state help me create the result I want?

Then choose one thought that helps you feel better.

Feel good first. Then take the next step.