I never thought of myself as irresponsible.

It felt like I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders.

After all, I was responsible for finding new business, making money, keeping employees busy and customers happy.

Every day was an obstacle course.

Prospects wouldn’t commit. Systems didn’t work. People didn’t perform. Customers changed their minds.

Defining the Problem

At the time, these looked like serious problems. But that was because of the way I was defining them.

Like these things were being done to me.

Like they shouldn’t be happening.

But the minute you choose to be a founder, of course these obstacles will appear. Otherwise anyone could say, “I want a successful business,” and have one.

The obstacles are there to prepare you to receive the thing you want.

Working through them builds your capability.

But I didn’t know that.

So when obstacles appeared, I defined them in ways that left me stuck. Then, in my head, I blamed someone (usually me), which left me stuck too.

The way you define a problem determines whether you can solve it.

Customers aren’t buying.

Employees are unreliable.

The economy is tanking.

Defining problems this way keeps you stuck because you can’t force customers to buy, make employees care, or change the economy.

All it does is leave you feeling frustrated, anxious, or trapped.

For years, I spent much of my time feeling this way.

Imagine if I had used that time to define the problems as obstacles I was responsible for overcoming.

Then I could have solved them much faster.

Responsibility Not Blame

This is what I mean by responsibility: the ability to respond. 

Not blame. Not shame. Not fault.

“My team doesn’t care” leaves you frustrated. “Let’s make sure they have a clear process to learn and follow” is actionable.

“Customers aren’t buying” makes you anxious. “Let’s make the stories about our results more compelling” is a place to begin.

This is radical responsibility without blame.

It doesn’t mean you caused every problem or have to fix each one yourself, but it does mean that you 

stop defining problems in ways you can’t solve.

You can start by changing how you frame the situation in your own mind.

For example: 

I have this result because I gave instructions but didn’t confirm understanding. The real problem is unclear communication, and the solution is to create a clear feedback loop.

I’ll start asking the team to summarize what they heard, including the outcome, owner, and deadline.

That sounds simple, but it took me years to see the difference between taking responsibility and blaming myself.

Self-blame feels like responsibility, but it’s really punishment. And punishment does not move you forward.

Blame says, “Something is wrong with me.” Responsibility says, “Something isn’t working yet.”

Sometimes our approach is part of the problem. Mine often was. But that didn’t mean I was broken. It meant I had something to learn.

Blaming myself drained my confidence and pulled my energy away from the solution. Being responsible turned the problem into something I could solve.

It’s a Sneaky Pattern

The pattern didn’t disappear just because I became successful.

The minute I decided I was ready to exit, a whole new set of obstacles appeared.

I should have expected them. They come with the territory.

Instead, I secretly blamed the accountants for the painful due diligence process. I mentally blamed the buyers for distracting me with invasive questions that felt personal. I even blamed my advisors for not moving fast enough.

By blaming them, I got to be right, but miserable.

The truth is, due diligence is always detailed. Buyers have questions because it’s a big commitment. Advisors, CPAs, and lawyers have different perspectives, and it takes time for those perspectives to come together.

What being responsible would have looked like was this:

I was responsible for staying calm during a detailed process, not taking the questions personally, keeping the business strong while the transaction unfolded, and understanding that the timeline was not completely within my control.

That would have saved me a lot of suffering.

Obstacles are not proof that you can’t have what you want.

Overcoming them is how you build the capacity to receive it.

But only once you define them in ways you can solve.

The next time you feel stuck, ask: What part of this is mine to respond to?

That’s the moment the solution begins to unfold.