10 years ago I met a monk named Dandapani at a conference for entrepreneurs.

At first, I wondered what he could possibly teach me about business.

It turned out to be quite a lot because his specialty was focusing the mind.

He said that in order to focus, you have to know what you want.

That made sense to me because when I started my first business, I knew exactly what I wanted: money.

I was so focused on hitting my revenue target that I cut out almost everything else. Looking back, I think I cut out too much, including friends, family, and vacations.

But it worked. We eventually hit the number, and I felt elated.

For about a week. Then I felt restless and unfulfilled.

Now What?

So I increased the target number and started the cycle over.

I repeated it for years.

Even after selling my business, the same restlessness returned and the searching continued.

I wanted something else. I just didn’t know what.

Dandapani called this the danger zone.

When you don’t know what you want, distraction can look like the next right thing.

I convinced myself traveling the world was what I really wanted to do. Then writing a book. Then a new certification was the answer. 

Each one gave me another destination, but none resolved the restlessness underneath.

The smaller distractions crept in too. Checking my phone. Scrolling. Eating when I wasn’t hungry. Buying things I didn’t need.

None of it satisfied me. It just gave my awareness somewhere else to go.

Directing Awareness

Driving a car doesn’t require understanding the engine. You just need to know how to start it, steer it, and stop it.

But without a destination, being a skilled driver just helps you get lost faster.

Dandapani said the mind works the same way.

You don’t have to understand everything about memory, thought, or consciousness. You need to know how to direct your awareness.

You’re either directing it, or your environment is.

When you know what you want, you have a way to decide what deserves your attention. When you don’t, whatever feels most exciting, urgent, or uncomfortable takes the wheel.

My problem wasn’t that I couldn’t focus.

I didn’t know what was worth focusing on.

The Picture

Knowing what I wanted was only part of the answer. How I defined it mattered too, because the mind organizes itself around the picture we give it.

Call it the law of attraction if you want, but I experience it as something practical.

When I focused on not drinking, drinking stayed front and center as the thing I had to resist.

When I focused instead on feeling good, improving my health, and sleeping well, alcohol became less relevant to the life I wanted.

The same thing happened with weight. Focusing on losing it turned my body into something to fight. When I focused on feeling good and moving more, fitness became a natural result.

Resisting what you don’t want takes energy.

Creating what you do want gives that energy a direction.

What I Want Now

What we want changes over a lifetime.

I used to want a specific number in my bank account. These days, I want to feel happy and fulfilled.

I notice I feel that way most when I’m in nature or helping someone else.

I’m trying to move through life with more ease and grace, though I’m still very much a work in progress.

On better days, I remember to stay present. On harder days, old patterns creep back in and I catch myself searching for something new to chase.

Ten years later, I think I’m finally starting to understand what Dandapani was teaching me.

Focus was never about concentrating harder.

It’s about deciding what deserves your life energy.

So, what do you want now?

Not what you wanted ten years ago. Not what would look impressive to someone else. What would really make you happy and fulfilled?

And if you don’t know yet, that’s all right.

Start by asking the question.

The answer becomes easier to hear when you give yourself enough space.

And once you hear it, you’ll know where to focus.