Your Winning Strategy Might Be Holding You Back
Your winning strategy likely started as a coping mechanism for survival when you were young.
Each time it worked, it reinforced your belief that you should keep using it. However, when it didn’t work, you probably assumed you just didn’t execute it properly—so you doubled down.
But what if your success happened in spite of your winning strategy—not because of it?
As children, we don’t understand why our needs sometimes go unmet. In response, we create primitive strategies to make sense of the world and feel safe.
Your winning strategy formed as an answer to this question:
“What do I need to do to feel safe and loved?”
For example:
- You may have decided you can’t count on others, so you need to handle everything yourself.
- Perhaps you believed being perfect would earn more attention.
- Or you thought pleasing others was the key to being liked.
Acknowledge that your winning strategy worked—it got you here.
There’s nothing wrong with it when viewed through the lens of childhood survival.
Yet now, it’s holding you back.
Your environment has changed completely. You’re no longer a child, which means those old strategies may no longer serve you.
Here are a few of the most common winning strategies:
- I have to know the answer.
- I have to do it myself.
- I have to be perfect.
- I have to be liked.
The Problem?
Your brain still filters the world through this outdated lens:
“I have a winning strategy that works—let me find more places to use it.”
Even when it’s ineffective, you may continue applying it and experience results you don’t want. For instance:
- You avoid hiring people smarter than you.
- You struggle to delegate effectively.
- You beat yourself up for making mistakes.
- You hesitate to hold others accountable because you want them to like you.
The result?
Your current life becomes a fraction of what’s possible.
“If all you have is a hammer, you look for nails.”
You don’t have to abandon your old strategy completely. Instead, shift your focus.
Look for patterns, such as:
- Reacting instead of responding.
- Feeling frustrated or in a hurry.
- Getting results you don’t want.
The next time you feel triggered, pause and ask yourself:
“What would I usually do—and what price am I paying for that approach?”
The Key? Awareness.
When you notice patterns operating in your subconscious, you create an opportunity for change.
From there, you can intentionally choose the right strategy for each situation—using your adult brain.